Where I Want To Be
by Becca2089
Summary: Events following 6x02.


So this is probably no good but this is what I wanted for Linstead on some level.

Follows some of the crossover with my inventions of course

* * *

It was a cold night in New York when she let herself into her apartment.

"Hey Emily, I'm home" Erin called out, waiting for a reply.

She heard the sound of little footsteps running towards her, she crouched down and waited for the impact.

"Hi JJ," She said as the little boy ran straight into her arms "where's Em"? She asked him.

As she was waiting for a reply, her phone started to vibrate in her pocket. Once she took the phone out she was stunned to see the name "Natalie Manning" on her screen.

"Nat, what's wrong?" Those three words holding so much emotion and fear in them.

"Erin, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this over the phone" She informed her friend.

It's Jay, its been a mess the last few hours first Pat died, and then he and Will got into it" Erin felt guilty she had seen the few missed calls from her fiancee but she didn't think anything was wrong because nobody else had tried to her in touch with her.

"Natalie" Erin shouted at the other voice on the line "Is Jay ok?"

"No Erin, he isn't, he's been shot and it is touch and go"

Erin felt as if her heart had stopped beating, and she slid down the door and cried. Her husband to be, her child father had been hurt, and she was stuck all the way in New York.

She felt her tears being wiped by her baby, as she looked into his blue eyes, she lost it again and grabbed him tightly whilst shouting for his nanny.

Emily was a college graduate with a childhood studies degree, she wasn't too sure what to do with it, so to earn some extra money she became Erin's nanny. On hearing the distressed voice of her employer she raced into the hall and ushered JJ into the living room.

"Erin you have to breathe and tell me what has happened or I can't help you"

"Its Jay he has been shot and they don't know if he's gonna make it or not," she said as she sobbed again. It was then like something snapped inside of Erin and she was up on her feet shouting orders at Emily to pack a bag for Joshua with clothes and toys for a few weeks, and off she raced to her own bedroom to pack.

* * *

She knew it was crazy being in the airport at pm with a screaming two year old who had no idea what was going on and just wanted to go to bed. Erin lowered him into his stroller and went Upton the desk to ask for 2 tickets for the next available flight to Chicago.

They were in luck and the next flight was in 45 minutes, she rushed through security with the stroller and her suitcase.

Once in the air, Erin looked down at the little boy in her arms fast asleep, those little Halstead freckles, curly reddish hair. Joshua James Halstead or JJ as he is affectionately called by his family was the one thing, Erin and Jay had gotten right in their lives. She didn't even realize she was crying until she felt a tear land on her hand that was holding her baby's head.

She knew she had another hour before they landed in Chicago, she needed to get herself together, she couldn't let anybody see her like this, she had to be strong.

She had called Nat before boarding, and she had assured her she would be at the airport waiting for her. Once she was off the plane and had everything she needed she headed towards the main entrance, where she saw Natalie waiting for her. The older woman wrapped Erin in her arms whilst she broke down for the what felt like the 10th time in the last 4 hours. She asked Natalie was there any change and all Natalie could tell her was he was in surgery with Conor.

* * *

Before she knew it, they had pulled up at the hospital, and Natalie was guiding Erin and JJ into the waiting room, where she saw the rest of the IU unit, Hailey was sitting there her eyes shining with tears, and as soon as she seen Erin jumped up to hug her.

"Where's Hank?" she asked noticing her fathers absence. Nobody could answer her question so she tried another one,

"Why the hell did you not think to call me, Nat had to call me to tell me that my fiance and Joshua father had been shot," she said past crying now she was angry.

Adam was the first to speak up "When we found him, he asked for you, and we went to call you, and he said please don't she will only worry, I'm gonna be fine" he told her regretfully,

Erin looked at him incredulously as she shook her head. She looked at the little boy asleep in her arms, and passed him to Hailey, and went in search of Will.

She found him in the doctor's lounge,

"Hey I came as soon as I heard," she said as Will looked up at her.

"I know, I was the one who had Nat call you," he told her whilst getting emotional.

Erin moved towards him and hugged him as he finally broke down. Once he had managed to calm down Conor came into the room.

"Hey Erin, so I'm not sure how much you know but the bullets" Conor began

"Wait bullets as in more than one" She chocked out

Conor nodded his head sympathetically "the first one missed his heart by millimeters it was touch and go in the OR but we managed to get it out and he is stable, the second bullet was a through and through on his hip which we have no concerns about"

As soon as he finished Erin asked " Can I see him please?" she all but begged him.

Conor led her out of the doctor's lounge and up in the lift to the ICU.

"I will give you some time alone, am gonna go and brief the IU"

* * *

Erin stood frozen by the side of his bed just looking at him. He looked like he was sleeping his perfect face unmarked. To look at him at first glance that was, if you get closer to him as Erin had done, you could see the bandages around his torso and just above his heart.

Erin touched the one closet to his heart, and broke down, she had come so close to losing him, her son nearly lost his father. She took his hand and sank into the chair next to his bed, holding his hand to her forehead and just completely broke down.

After what felt like minutes when in fact a whole three hours has passed by did Ruzek, Antonio and Hailey come into the room.

Erin glanced at Hailey and then realized she had left her son with her.

"Where's JJ?" she asked her voice hoarse from all the crying.

"He has gone home with Natalie, Will thought that was the best thing to do," Hailey explained, Erin just nodded her head and turned back to Jay.

She must have dozed off because the next thing she knew she was being ushered out of the room, and that's when she heard the words.

"Page Dr Rhodes NOW, we are losing him"

She sat in the waiting room with the rest of the team, staring into space waiting for answers.

As she went to get up to go and get some water she saw Conor coming back out of Jay's room.

"Erin, we have had to put him on a vent to help with his breathing, it looks like the bullet did more damage than we originally thought and it has pierced his lung. However it is completely reversible but at the moment with how weak Jay has become, we don't want to risk another surgery at this moment in time"

Erin just looked at him, she had no idea what any of this meant, all she knew was she couldn't breathe and just as she went to speak her whole world turned to darkness.

* * *

It was late when she woke up from her fainting episode, and when she came too Hailey was sitting with her.

"Did you know?" Haileys first question

Erin looked confused and then realized she had fainted they will have run her blood work.

"Yeah, I only just found out" Erin explained "Like literally the day all this happened"

Hailey just nodded and told her everything was ok and that there was nothing to worry about her baby was just fine.

Erin sighed and held her hand over her tummy just as a doctor walked in with an ultrasound machine. She introduced herself as the on-call OBGYN and said they needed to check the baby to ensure everything was ok.

Erin signed and nodded her approval although she had Hailey with her, she wanted Jay.

"And there is baby sucking their thumb" The doctor pointed out just as Erin looked at her confused.

"How can you tell that already am only a few weeks" Erin looked at her shocked.

The doctor moved the wand round her belly and told Erin something that was going to shock her to her very core that she wasn't only 8-12 weeks as suspected but she was just gone five months.

Erin sat next to Jay's bed holding his hand with one hand and the other clutching an ultrasound picture. She looked at the monitor helping to keep him alive, and she raised the photo to his face.

"You need to get better baby, not for me well yeah me too but for JJ and our daughter, that's right im pregnant 5 months apparently and its a girl so please Jay if not for me then for our children, I can't do this on my own." She paused when her voice cracked. "Me and JJ were coming home for good, so please baby please open your eyes for me" She cried as the door opened and revealed Hank with Joshua.

"How is he?" Hank asked his adoptive daughter

"why would you care, its all your fault, if you hadn't of pulled him from the investigation in the first place he wouldn't have gone off alone and you know that" Erin cried as she stood up and took her son from his arms.

"Now if you don't mind, me and my son would like to be alone with him" Erin spat out coldly towards the man who has raised her.

* * *

Three weeks later and Jay was still on the vent and they were trying to convince Erin to withdraw his treatment plan.

"Absolutely not, we have a family, we have a son and a daughter on the way"

News of Erin's pregnancy has spread like wild field considering she was five months and had no idea. In the last three weeks, her bump had appeared out of nowhere.

* * *

Joshua was now in daycare with Owen. Erin knew she was being selfish keeping Jay on the vent if the doctors think there is no way he can come back from this. Erin knows she has to -make a decision as his next of kin, she just cannot do it alone.

With a kiss to his forehead so leaves the room in search of her almost brother in law and her fiancees work partner.

Will and Hailey had gotten her messages and met her in the caferteria of the hospital where she sat nursing a hot chocolate.

"They asked me today to turn of Jay's vent, they think that's the only reason he is still alive" Erin explained through hiccuping sobs.

"I can't do it, I can't just give up on him, he wouldn't do it to me" Erin exclaimed and realized she had made her mind up.

When she got back to the ICU she was met with a sight she never thought she would see, Dr. Rhodes standing outside the room smiling at her, no verbal confirmation needed that he was awake.

As she rushed into the room, she saw him looks weak still but without the tube.

"Hey, beautiful" he simply looked at her as he spoke.

As she got nearer the bed he noticed her bump and looked at her confused.

"Conor said I had been out of it three weeks but by that baby bump it doesn't seem it," Jay asked her bewilderedly.

Erin simply smiled and kissed him, "I can explain but first I need to call Hailey to go and get JJ because he has been here every day asking about you"

Erin rang Hailey to tell her the good news and asked her to go and collect their baby, her godson from daycare so he could see his daddy.

"Right so, I found out the day of the shooting that I was pregnant. I came here and after a hard day I had an ultrasound to confirm it, and apparently I was already five months along" Erin explained.

A light ball went off in Jay's head "The night of the gala, we didn't even make it to the hotel bed, our baby was conceived against a wall" Jay laughed.

Erin smirked and simply said "When have we ever been conventional"

Just as Jay went to reply there was a knock at the door, and when he shouted come in, his gorgeous blue-eyed baby boy came running into the room holding a piece of paper almost bigger than him.

Erin lifed him onto the bed where he flung his arms around his daddy's neck.

"Joshua James you need to be careful," Erin told the little boy.

"Er he is fine, he just missed me. Remember I might have only been out three weeks but its been at four and a half weeks since he last seen me" Jay explained to his fiancee.

Erin just sat back and watched father and son interact.

As soon as she went to close her eyes, the door reopened and the whole IU unit came bouncing into the room.

"Well look who finally woke up, did you get enough rest sleeping beauty" Ruzek joked with him.

Jay just looked at Adam and reached for his hand to shake "I remember it being you who kept me alive, so thank you I owe you one" Jay said choked up. Adam shook off the thank you and they all continued as if nothing had happened.

Once the unit had gone and Hailey took JJ with her Jay asked Erin to lay in the bed with him.

Once they were comfy Jay finally started to speak

"My dad is dead," He said his voice thick with emotion.

Erin just looked at him as his eyes filled with tears and just nodded to him. Just as he was started to open up, Will and Natalie walked in.

"Hey little bro, how you doing?" Will asked his brother

"Listen, man, I just wanna say am sorry about what happened before all this with dad," Jay said as he noticed Will's bust lip.

"Wait you did that?" Erin asked Jay shocked.

"Let's just say we had a little disagreement" Will told his brothers wife to be.

* * *

Once again they were left alone, Erin had a proposition for Jay.

"Ok so you can call me crazy but how about we get married tonight"

Jay looked at her shocked. Erin just looked at him biting her bottom lip.

"Just hear me out, I nearly lost you and would have had to raise two children by myself. It made me realize that I don't want the big white wedding, I just want to marry you"

Jay just smiled and nodded his head and said "you find someone who can marry us right now and we will do it" Erin just smiled and kissed him before hopping off the bed, telling him she would be right back.

She came back about 15 minutes later with Matt Casey trailing behind her.

She looked sad and deflated.

"What's up baby" Jay asked her concerned and then noticed Matt walking in behind her.

"Hey, man just thought I would pop by, see how you were doing?" Matt told Jay as he looked at a sad Erin

"I couldn't find anybody, they said the Chaplin has gone home for the evening," Erin said

"Umm guys I could do it" Casey looked at them smirking "What it is totally legal, and literally takes like 5 minutes if that to become official online"

Erin and Jay just looked at him before smiling and both nodding there heads.

When the unit came back later the next day and where told the news they were all shocked but happy for the couple. Adam, of course, was more upset at the fact that he couldn't throw Jay a bachelor party but Jay told them he wasn't bothered. He now had a wife and he couldn't be happier.

Erin has been smiling but deep down thinking, now she was pregnant with their second child, she knew she couldn't go back to New York. Once the guys left and again it was just the two of them plus JJ Erin spoke,

"So I have been thinking, I don't want to go back to New York"

Jay looked at her shocked but understood and told her he would be more than happy for her to come home but it needed to be for the right reasons. He also insisted she took JJ home to their apartment for the night because she needed sleep and JJ needed a bit more normality in his little life than spending days in the hospital and nights with his Aunty Hailey.

Erin returned home and was able to tuck her baby up into his own bed. She looked around and realised she truly did not want to leave again. She took out her phone and emailed her office asking for someone to call her back about a transfer to the Chicago office.

* * *

Four months later

Erin had been in labour now for the past 13 hours and was just ready to push.

"Come on now Erin on three, I need you to give me one last push" Natalie was telling her.

"I can't do it, It hurts"

"Babe come on, one more push and she will be here, our little girl" Jay soothed Erin.

"We are not having anymore do you hear me?" Erin shouted at Jay as she pushed as hard as she could.

The loud cries filled the room, as Erin sighed in relief that it was over, just as Jay cut the cord and Natalie laid the newborn baby on her mother's chest.

"She needs a name" Erin murmured against her daughters head.

Just as Jay was about to reply, Natalie came back in and asked if Hailey could bring JJ in to meet his sister. They both just nodded.

JJ came bouncing in the room with a pink teddy and a balloon.

"Mama looks" he said showing what he had in his hands.

"JJ come and meet your new baby sister," Jay said as he lifted him up onto the bed next to Erin.

Erin put the baby in his arms and smiled as he lay a kiss on top of her head.

This is where she wanted to be. With her Husband and children.


End file.
